Things that in theory, are easy. -
2005-05-02 - 10:36 a.m.
Things that should be easy, but you realized later were doomed to well, distinct unease on somebody’s part.
The set up, semi-innocent vegetarian attempts to buy joke gift of McDonalds Gift Certificates.
I pull up and immediately notice a big promotional sign involving $5 gift cards, being a fool, I decide to follow the advertising and ask for the gift card.
Me: “Hi, can I have a $5 gift card please?”
Fast Food Employee: “Yes ma’am, anything else with that?”
Me: “No thanks, just the card please.”
FFE: “Would you like some fries with that?”
Me: “No, no food please, just the gift card.”
FFE: “So just the card and the chicken tenders that come with it?”
Me: “No chicken tenders, just the card please.”
Incredibly Lame Fast Food Employee: “The tenders are free.”
Me: “That’s nice, I still don’t want the tenders.”
ILFFE: “Why don’t you just pull up to the first window please?
ILFFE: (after I have pulled up to the window so he can make sure I appear to be sane) “You don’t want the chicken?”
Me getting more and somehow less amused by the moment: “I’m a vegetarian”
ILFFE: “Wow, is your family all vegetarian?”
Amazed AND lame Fast Food Employee: “Even the kids?”
Freak Vegetarian: “Yes, even the kids”.
AALFFE: “Can you hold on while I get my manager?”
Me: “Couldn’t you just have the chicken for lunch or something?”
AALFFE: Dumbstruck stare.
Me: “Or you could give it to the people behind me in line?”
AALFFE: Wanders off, presumably to find manager.
Manager: “So let me get this straight, you WANT the $5 gift card, but no chicken.”
Me (slowly getting numb): “yes, no chicken, yes $5 gift card.
Manager: “So can I just get you a $5 gift certificate instead?”
Me: “Yes please” which by now comes out like a whisper because frankly, I’m exhausted.
Happy Birthday George. Ha ha ha.
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