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Things that in theory, are easy. - 2005-05-02 - 10:36 a.m.
Things that should be easy, but you realized later were doomed to well, distinct unease on somebody’s part. The set up, semi-innocent vegetarian attempts to buy joke gift of McDonalds Gift Certificates. I pull up and immediately notice a big promotional sign involving $5 gift cards, being a fool, I decide to follow the advertising and ask for the gift card. Me: “Hi, can I have a $5 gift card please?” Fast Food Employee: “Yes ma’am, anything else with that?” Me: “No thanks, just the card please.” FFE: “Would you like some fries with that?” Me: “No, no food please, just the gift card.” FFE: “So just the card and the chicken tenders that come with it?” Me: “No chicken tenders, just the card please.” Incredibly Lame Fast Food Employee: “The tenders are free.” Me: “That’s nice, I still don’t want the tenders.” ****Long Silence**** ILFFE: “Why don’t you just pull up to the first window please? ILFFE: (after I have pulled up to the window so he can make sure I appear to be sane) “You don’t want the chicken?” Me getting more and somehow less amused by the moment: “I’m a vegetarian” ILFFE: “Wow, is your family all vegetarian?” Me: “Yes. Amazed AND lame Fast Food Employee: “Even the kids?” Freak Vegetarian: “Yes, even the kids”. AALFFE: “Can you hold on while I get my manager?” Me: “Couldn’t you just have the chicken for lunch or something?” AALFFE: Dumbstruck stare. Me: “Or you could give it to the people behind me in line?” AALFFE: Wanders off, presumably to find manager. Manager: “So let me get this straight, you WANT the $5 gift card, but no chicken.” Me (slowly getting numb): “yes, no chicken, yes $5 gift card. Manager: “So can I just get you a $5 gift certificate instead?” Me: “Yes please” which by now comes out like a whisper because frankly, I’m exhausted. Happy Birthday George. Ha ha ha.
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